i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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