I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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