my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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