At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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