I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize