I only kidnapped one of them. chill
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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