I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
