1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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