I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
