How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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