Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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