It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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