I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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