How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We got so high we made milksteak
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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