Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize