I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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