Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
