My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
