so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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