Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
