Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't turn off my feet"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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