Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
