Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
