im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
