Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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