dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
should my penis look like a turkey
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
