I'd wear matching sweaters with you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
