me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Pooping to opera.
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