Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
