i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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