Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
