are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
