Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize