She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
