I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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