I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize