i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
