After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude i'm inner monologue high
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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