Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize