I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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