I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
