there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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