You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
