8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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