Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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