If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
