i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I bet he comes in French.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
