you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
