OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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