the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
