shes about as inviting as chlamydia
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
