I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
