I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
