omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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