her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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