I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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