how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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