Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I will be naked everywhere
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
