I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
