I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
