Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
