you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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