Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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