Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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