She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
