So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
