She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
