just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize