Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
