Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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