so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Enjoy the penises
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
