i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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