im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
