it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
