Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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