Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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