Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
