If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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